


Say Hello, Wave Goodbye

by darknutmeg



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Also there's a pig and she's adorable, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bookstore Owner Alec Lightwood, Deals with grief and mourning, Don't worry, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Emotionally Hurt Magnus Bane, F/M, Family Feels, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, I promise, Loss of a Friend, Lot and lots and lots of feels, M/M, Magnus has the best friends, Maryse and Robert are good supportive parents because that's my jam, Minor Character Death, Post-Break Up, Professor Magnus Bane, Reunions, So much healthy communication, They still love each other a lot, They will heal and learn and grow and love together, Wakes & Funerals, and it will be beautiful, fluff later, friendship feels, they will be okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-15 19:14:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21022982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darknutmeg/pseuds/darknutmeg
Summary: The story of three best friends, the bond they share and the love which will lead them back together.





	1. January Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! 
> 
> If you've been following along then you know this fic is my Nanowrimo project and has become a labour of love for me. It's the most personal piece of work I have ever shared. 
> 
> A few things first: 
> 
> \- I don't know much about US geography but I will spend time with my old pal Google to fill in the blanks.  
\- The chapter titles are songs by David Gray, I will include a spotify playlist link once I finish it.  
\- The first two chapters are just intros to Alec & Magnus, getting to know their current lives and a bit of backstory.  
\- This fic has a heavy theme of grief and mourning so please if that is something you're not comfortable with don't stick around. It's going to get very very deep.  
\- Grief and I are old friends, it's something I have dealt with a lot in my life and I'm always open about it. The only way to heal is to talk, for me anyway. I hope I can help someone with my words. 
> 
> Feel free to livetweet using the tag #SHWGFic or you can find me Twitter @nutmeg27. 
> 
> Lastly, I want to dedicate this fic to my best friend Jason, I love you brother, you are with me always and to Carla and anyone else who has lost someone they love. 
> 
> They are with you. Always. 
> 
> Enjoy. <3

The patter of rain on the umbrella joined the cophancy of noise on the busy Brooklyn street. It was barely 8 am and the morning rush of people heading to work and school was in full swing. Alec made his way down the crowded sidewalk, dodging hurried commuters as he went. He was en route to his daily destination, The Attic, a book shop he had owned for going on two years now. 

The familiar wooden door with the stained glass window atop which depicted a stack of books, came into view and Alec ducked under the red awning and closed his umbrella. Finally safe from the rain. Inserting his key and letting the door swing open with a satisfying squeal, the smell of old books greeting him once more. 

The store specialized in a vast array of used and carefully curated books, if one was searching for a rare find it was the place to be. Alec had come about ownership of the bookshop almost completely by accident. 

The shop had been a place he had frequented during his university time, as it housed a large selection of science fiction novels, his genre of choice at the time. He would duck in after a class or on his walk home and see what the latest arrivals were, always leaving with at least one book. The owner and he became fairly close as Alec frequented the shop more, the older man would often set aside certain novels he thought Alec might be interested in.

One day, just over two years ago Alec came by on his usual hunt to find the owner Sam in a melancholy state. His wife of 30 years had taken ill and managing the business plus handling her health issues was beginning to cause a strain. At the time Alec was in his final year of business school and looking for experience, so he offered to run the shop while Sam took a sabbatical to attend to his family. An offer the older man had graciously accepted. A few months turned into two years and the rest was, as they say, history. 

Book store ownership was not a place Alec thought his life would take him but he was content with it. He had his regular customers, those who came in on weekly or sometimes daily book hunts. Alec would set aside copies of editions they were seeking and had gained a repour in that corner of the city for being a welcoming, cozy location. Alec had managed to maintain the stores reputation and in return make the former owner proud. 

The store didn’t open for business until 10am so Alec would spend the morning catching up on emails, sorting boxes of new acquisitions and mostly, enjoying his first cup of morning coffee. Sitting at the computer at the front counter, an old mug in hand he scrolled through messages with responses to book searches, ebay purchases and the various sites he should really unsubscribe to. 

Something caught his eyes at the very bottom, it was a email from his former high school. Curious Alec clicked the message, to see an announcement about alumni being honoured in a ceremony the following month. Staring directly at him in what must have been a recent photograph was Magnus Bane. Much like everytime Alec encountered his former best friend and boyfriend of 3 years, his stomach went into knots. A feeling which never faded no matter how much time and distance was put between them. It didn’t help that Magnus and he shared a best friend, Lydia and she generally kept Alec informed about important events in Magnus’ life, information she offered without Alec ever asking. The gap between them was something Lydia had never given up on closing and likely never would. While he and Magnus may no longer speak, his presence was always felt. 

What he knew of Magnus’ life was that he was a history professor at the University of Connecticut in Stamford - strike that - head of the history department. A prestigious honour for someone his age, one he had earned fairly recently hence the honour by his former school. 

In the email was a link to follow to confirm attendance, Alec’s hand hovered it, fingers shaking. He didn’t know why but something about seeing Magnus again right now felt like an opportunity he couldn’t miss. Besides his family still resided in their former hometown so the visit could serve multiple purposes and he could check on Lydia, which he had been planning on doing shortly anyway. Despite speaking on the phone almost daily Alec still made time to visit her almost every weekend, home was less then a two hour drive away and he was happy to make the trip as often as he could. Since her illness had gotten worse he felt the strain of time more frequently. 

Lydia had been diagnosed with a late stage lung cancer 3 months ago, she had spent the first two months in outpatient therapy, weekly treatments but since her radiation therapy had begun she had been in and out of hospital almost weekly. Spending two or three day stretches there. Alec had made himself available as often as he could for emotional support not just for Lydia but her husband John and their young daughter Madeline. Who had thus far shown that kids are resilient in the face of most anything, Madeline had been taking the entire situation in stride. Remaining the most positive of everyone. Something Alec greatly envied, since Lydia’s diagnosis he had never been able to remove the anxious feeling he always carried. Knowing that maybe someday she might succumb to the disease, a prospect he never wanted to think about couldn’t shake. 

They had been friends for going on 25 years now, she was the first person he told everything to, usually the last person he spoke to at the end of everyday. Well, now she was, since the drift between Magnus and he had developed. But now, perhaps Alec may have an opportunity to rectify the situation, or least attempt to.

Alec went back to his computer again and without really thinking clicked on the invite link embedded in the alumni notice. It sent him to the schools’ website and a form to fill in for number of guests. Alec quickly typed his information and a return email address. He ran hand through his hair, now wondering if this was a terrible mistake. He would find out in a month. 

  
  


That evening Alec was making his way to his usual Friday night dinner date with his sister Isabelle. They spoke throughout the week on occasion but Izzy had a job which kept her quite busy so their weekly dinners were meant as a catch up event. Alec made sure to never miss one since they started having them a year ago. 

Izzy was waiting for him at their regular table, menu open which was humorous to Alec seeing as how they frequented the same establishment weekly. She should know the menus and specials by heart. Alec walked over placing his jacket over the chair, “Hey Iz, anything new on the menu?” 

“Actually,” Izzy reads down the page open on the table, “There’s a lobster bisque, which I admit I’m curious about. I mean I’ve tried almost everything here, might as well go all the way.” 

Alec laughs, sitting down in the chair opposite of his sister and reaching for the glass of wine already waiting for him. “So, how was your day?” 

Izzy closes the menu, taking a sip from her own glass of wine, “Uneventful actually but I did come across something interesting in my email.” Alec looks at the table, averting Izzy’s eyes, of course she would jump right in. “Yeah, I think I know what you’re talking about.” 

“So, are you going to go?” 

“To see Lydia that weekend? Likely but the other part? I think I’ll pass.” Which was a partial lie, Alec just didn’t really relish diving into the topic of his ex-boyfriend with Izzy, again. Much like Lydia, she never quite knew when to let something go. 

“What? Why? Alec, it’s been five years and this is a perfect opportunity. Back home where your relationship started, there’s so many memories. You haven’t been in the same place since Jace’s wedding and we all remember how well that went.” Alec grimaced at the memory. Two years ago his brother Jace had married in their hometown and of course Magnus had been invited. Alec had kept his cool upon seeing him at the ceremony mainly because they were seated on opposite sides of the room. But later at the reception his confidence had failed. Once the speeches were over Alec had retreated from the hall like he was on fire. Not his proudest moment. “Besides,” Izzy continued, “This is a huge honour he’s receiving, I’m sure he would want you there. Come on Alec, you can’t keep avoiding each other.” 

“It’s been working well so far.” Alec muttered under his breath but not quiet enough for his sister to ignore.

Izzy rolls her eyes in response, “I cannot believe how long Lydia has put with you two being so ridiculous all these years. She definitely has a lot more patience then I do.” 

“Because she knows not to push, unlike some people.” Alec fixed Izzy with a pointed glare. 

“I just want what’s best for you and even if you two can’t repair your relationship, don’t you miss being friends?” 

Alec already knows the answer in his heart. The last five years he has felt the loss of Magnus in his life on two levels; both as a friend and a lover. Some days he wonders which one he would want back. Honestly at this point Alec would take anything. 

“Alright enough about this. What else is going on?” 

Izzy concedes and moves past the conversation, much to Alec’s relief. “Well, I think I’m going to get my grant. Fingers crossed it moves past the approvals board but things are looking good so far.” 

“That’s great Izzy, you’ve worked hard for that.” Isabelle was a researcher at NYU, studying in the field of genetics. Something Alec still found wildly confusing but he let Izzy unload her vast array of knowledge on the subject with great interest. He picked up bits of information at times, it was oddly fascinating and he loved seeing her so excited about her work. But he also knew that sometimes, lately anyway, she focused too much on her job and not enough on her personal life. “Any other prospects?” Alec said with a knowing look, which Izzy returns in kind. 

“Hey if we’re not allowed to talk about your love life, mine should be off limits as well. And no, no one. I’m good for right now. My work takes up most of time and right now I’m happy to focus on my career. Love will be there when I’m ready.” 

“That is a positive way to look at it.” 

“This coming from Mr. Bachelor for Life.” Izzy raised an eyebrow in challenge. Their conversation is interrupted by Danielle, their usual waitress who takes their order and tops up the wine glasses they’ve both drained while engaged in conversation. Alec thanks her and turns back to his sister. “While we’re on the subject of home, you know I’ve had Maia watching the store on weekends for me?”

“Yeah, how’s that working out?” 

“Good, great actually. It’s been nice having someone I can trust to run things smoothly and having weekends off is welcome as well.” Maia sometimes came to help out Alec at the store, she was a full time student and Alec gave her what hours in the store he could, just to help her out. Likely the time also provided a much needed break from her study load, something Alec more than understood after spending four years in business school himself. He loved Maia, her infectious spirit was a welcome addition to the space and his life. It also helped that his regular customers liked her as well. 

“I was thinking about maybe taking a couple weeks off, going to stay with Lydia and John to help out. I don’t know, I just feel as if I should be there more.” 

“You’re doing what you can, you go every weekend and that means a lot to her I’m sure but if you think this is something you want to do then go for it. I have no doubt she would appreciate having you around and who knows, “ Izzy ducks her head before continuing, “Maybe you might run into Magnus on one of your visits?” 

Alec rolled his eyes, “That’s not why I want to do it.” 

“No I know, but just keep that mind. Opportunity is there if you want to take it. That’s all I’m saying.” 

  
  


Later Alec enters his modest Brooklyn brownstone, it’s not much but it’s home. He has a small yard in behind, flower boxes in both front windows and a modest garden which he tries to maintain as much as possible. Though it’s mostly meant for rooting by his four legged companion whom he can now hear trampling down hall, likely from her bed in Alec’s office. 

Alec kneels on the floor just as a pink nose peeks around the corner into the entryway. “Hi, little one, how are you?” Rosie tramps off towards him, pushing into Alec’s hand and leaving wet kisses with her nose. She pauses and looks up expectantly. “Yeah I know that face.” Alec laughs, brushing at her fur, “How about dinner?” Rosie responds by trotting off into the kitchen, halting by the counter and shuffling her small hooves impatiently. "Alright hold on, let me get my shoes off.” 

The pig is already poking her nose at the fridge door when Alec finally enters the kitchen “Ever the impatient one.” Alec shakes his head in amusement and opens the fridge to retrieve what will be her dinner and a late evening snack for himself. Alec had been on a healthy eating kick for the last year and it made for an easier time feeding his companion. 

Owning a pig was not something Alec could have predicted for himself but she had brought a lot of fun to his life. Along with Rosie, curled up on the corner living room sofa was Church, Alec’s eleven year old grey tabby who spent most of his day sleeping, stretching and sleeping some more. He led the good life that’s for sure. Church was generally mild mannered but he had what could called the cat version of a permanent scowl on his face most of the time. He was definitely part grumpy cat. 

He and Rosie eventually settle at the dining room table, which was technically in the living room, Alec over a plate and Rosie on the floor over a purple bowl. They ate in relative silence, Alec flips through the channels on the living room TV and settles on the news. His phone vibrates beside him with a text from his friend Simon. 

Simon: _Saturday night, you me and a pool table. What do you say Lightwood?_

Alec chuckles, typing out a quick reply, _I’m in, bring it Lewis._ Simon responds with a fist. Simon and his fiance Maia were his closest friends in the city. He spent regular Saturday nights at a nearby tavern with them, playing pool and sharing beers. His only nights out besides dinner with Izzy.

Alec checks the time on his phone to see it’s 8pm and on cue his phone rings, Lydia’s pictures lighting up the screen. He presses the button for video call and Madeline’s bright green eyes and mass of brown hair appears on screen, “Hi Uncle Alec!” She says a little too loudly, which has Alec reaching for the volume button on his phone. “Hey bug, how are you?” 

“Uncle Magnus is coming to see us on the weekend!” She says with a big grin. “Uh,” Alec forces a smile. “That’s great sweetheart.” 

Madeline leans in closer, almost touching the screen, “He said we can have a picnic at the playground. Are you coming this weekend? Maybe you can come with us.” 

“Uh I don’t know bug, maybe.” 

The mere mention of Magnus’ name and him being home again, still feels like a piercing pain in his stomach. Which he pushes past for the sake of the face staring back at him. Lydia comes into view, from where she’s picking through a salad next to her daughter. “Hey Mads, let me talk to Alec for a minute okay?” 

“Okay,” She waves crookedly at Alec, who returns the gesture before hearing the sound of her footsteps trailing away. 

Lydia is eyeing him with her trademark glare, “Alec.” 

“What?” He asked in an attempt to feign innocence, which rarely ever worked.

“You have a face.”

“I don’t have a face, there’s no face.”

“You can’t fool me Lightwood. Spill it.”

Alec sighed, no sense trying to fight it now. “Fine. I saw the newsletter about Magnus.” 

“Yeah, and?” 

“I mean I’m happy for him, that’s great it’s really great. I was thinking maybe I’ll come see you and maybe attend. It might be nice to see how he’s doing for myself.” 

Lydia furrows her brow in confusion, “Why now after all this time? Don’t get wrong, I’m happy to hear this but what brought it on?” 

“I don’t know, I guess, seems silly but the picture. He looks good.” 

Lydia placed her chin in her hand, an amused look on her face. “So what you’re going to go and ogle your ex-boyfriend from afar but not actually talk to him? Great plan Alec.” 

“That’s not what I’m going to do, I just … ” Alec trails off not really knowing to explain his intentions. Luckily Lydia knows when to back off. 

“Alright well, promise me something Alec.” Lydia said in a serious tone.

“I’ll try.” 

“Talk to him, I mean really talk. Don’t waste this opportunity. At Jace’s wedding you ran for the hills the second Magnus entered the reception, please don’t make that same mistake.” 

“Alright, I promise.” Whether that’s a promise Alec can actually keep remains to be seen. In though it’s his own decision, the thought of seeing Magnus again under any circumstances fills him with a strange sense of dread.

Lydia pointedally jabs her fork at the screen, “You better because I will lock you in a room if I have to. Don’t think I won’t.”

“Noted.” Lydia coughs, placing a hand against her chest. Alec tries not to wince at the face she makes as he always does. Seeing the effects of her illness has been difficult on Alec to say the very least. Lydia had lost weight and just three weeks ago finally decided to remove all of her hair. She wore scarves most of the time but on these phone calls she was usually bare. It was a sight he might never get to used to but she still looked as beautiful as always, hair or not. “Hey, how are you feeling?” 

Lydia swallowed, pushing past what must be pain her chest. “I’m okay. Just having one of those days.” She smiles and waves a hand as if to dismiss his concerns. “I’m fine. What else is going on?” 

“Um, actually I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

“Oh?” 

“Yeah so I have Maia in the store on the weekends and she’s been doing really well and I was thinking I might take a couple weeks off, come visit you guys for awhile.” 

Lydia leans forward with a soft smile, “I would love that Alec, Madeline would too. We miss you and I wouldn’t say no to extra hand.” 

Alec laughed quietly, “Yeah, okay I’ll try and work that out soon. I’ll have to make sure Maia is okay with it.” 

“Alright, well you know you have a room here anytime you need.” Lydia yawns away from the screen. “Okay, I better let you go, you need rest.” Alec said, knowing that Lydia still needed reminders to care of herself. She was always doing too much. 

“Fine, fine. Goodnight Lightwood, I love ya.” 

“I love you too, goodnight Lydia.” 

He hits disconnect with a final wave at the screen and sets his phone aside. He looks down to see Rosie is pushing her bowl across the living room floor which is a sign she’s done. Alec steps over to retrieve it and give her a gentle pat of the head. “Alright you, that’s enough.” She snorts indignantly, than trotts off to settle on her bed near the sofa. 

This was their nightly routine, Alec would spend the remainder of the night on the sofa with a book until he couldn’t keep his eyes open and finally shuffle off to bed, Rosie trailing behind him. It wasn’t much but it was a simple life and Alec was content with what he had. 

With the dishes away, Alec returned to the living and set himself on the sofa, Church came over from his spot on the window seat and curled up against Alec’s side. He wasn’t normally a cuddling type of cat, only at this time of day. Alec scratched behind his ears, earning a loud purr in return. 

Retrieving his book from the end table, where looking back at him was a photograph he had kept there for awhile; it was himself, Magnus and Lydia six years ago at Lydia’s wedding. When they had still been together and happy, before everything went terribly wrong.


	2. My Oh My

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we meet Magnus, his life in another city and the scars he still carries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! 
> 
> Thank you for the feedback on chapter one, I hope I will not hurt you all too much. *hides* As you can see I added an additional chapter as I needed more time with Lydia. The pain won't come quite yet. Also, I am going to tell you about the breakup in the next chapter, I promise. 
> 
> You can tweet at me with #SHWGFic or come yell at me directly @nutmeg27 
> 
> Enjoy! <3
> 
> (PS: The title is a David Gray song, I think I mentioned that already lol)

The alarm on Magnus’ phone blared to life as it always did at 6:15 every morning. He groaned, reaching over to the bedside table and stabbing dismiss with one bleary eye. Rolling back onto the bed to feel a warm weight pressed up against his side, a familiar black shape curled up next to him. Winston his 10 year old cat often crawled into bed with him overnight, Magnus had grown used to finding him nestled close in the middle of the night or early morning. It was a comforting presence, the only warmth which ever shared his bed lately. Unfortunately. 

He brushed the old cats fur for a moment before pulling himself from the under the comfort of his warm blankets. Magnus reluctantly made his way to the kitchen and turned the coffeemaker on. The loft is soon filled with the heavenly scent of much needed caffeine. There is no early morning sun filtering through the large balcony windows, just a blanket of grey. 

A cold wind was blowing as Magnus walked to campus from his apartment just two blocks away. He pulled his red knit scarf closer to his face, bracing against the assaulting chill. Winter was likely on the horizon and judging by the clouds forming in the sky it might come today. Magnus hurried down the sidewalk, pushing the walk button at the intersection. 

He lived close to school which was both a blessing and curse as sometimes the weather was not worth the walk but Magnus wouldn’t trade his job for anything. At just 34 years old he was the head of the history department at the University of Connecticut in Stamford, an accomplishment he had achieved in just six years. Much to the chagrin of his older colleagues but Magnus had worked hard to get where he was and he wasn’t going to let the smug attitudes of his co-workers bring him down. 

The light changed and Magnus made his way towards campus and his office in the second building. The campus was quiet this early in the morning, as it was barely 7:30. His first class didn’t begin until 9:30 but he liked to be in early to check lesson plans once more and also enjoy a quiet cup of coffee before the morning chaos of lectures and students began. 

Magnus’ office had large windows which faced out onto the trees lining the campus walkway, it was a beautiful view. Despite the clouds of the day. Magnus settled behind his desk, perusing his morning pile of unanswered emails. Mostly requests from students for extensions and some eager beavers sending in assignments early, even though he couldn’t technically mark them yet, Magnus always appreciated the initiative. 

His phone rings from beside him, Lydia’s name flashing across the screen. Magnus’ raises an eyebrow, it’s awful early for her to be calling. Which instinctively fills him with a sense of dread. Magnus connects the call and his fears are immediately put to rest by the scream which greets him on the other end. “Ahh! I saw the email, congrats mister fancy alumni!” Magnus laughed, feeling embarrassed by the outburst of affection, “Thank you darling, I am honoured.” 

“I’m so proud of you.” Magnus’ heart swelled, the words of his oldest and dearest friend had always meant the most to him. Especially given the circumstances, Lydia taking the time to be there for him given her illness. “Thank you Lydia, I’m overwhelmed and also feeling quite old, it seems early to be labeled an ‘alumni’, I’m only 34 afterall.” Magnus was still marveling at the ridiculousness of it all. When the school had reached out to him two months ago after his promotion had been announced, he was both delighted and concerned. Alumni felt like an honour for those of a more mature age. Despite Magnus’ accomplishments so early in his career, he still somehow felt unworthy of the title. 

“Stop it, you’ve worked hard for this, take a moment to congratulate yourself! I can’t wait to see you up on that stage, I hope you have a fancy speech planned Mr. Alumni.” Magnus can hear the smirk in Lydias’ tone and can’t help but laugh. He knows her too well. “I’m working on it. Is this why you called so early?” 

Lydia is quiet but like always Magnus can hear her thinking, “What is it Lydia?”

“Well, I wanted to let you know that Alec is going to be here for the ceremony, he’s taking two weeks off work to come and stay with us. So it’s a possibility you’ll run into each other.” She paused, “Not that it would be such a bad thing.” 

Magnus sighed, rubbing absently at his temple. Alec Lightwood. They had managed to narrowly avoid each other over the last five years, despite Lydia and many others attempts. “Okay, uh, that’s good. I’m glad he’ll be there for you.” 

“Magnus.” Lydia said, her tone a warning. “You don’t have to be okay with this.” 

“What do you want me to say Lydia? I can’t lie and tell you I’m excited about the prospect of possibly running into him. He has made no attempt to contact me all this time, he practically ran away the moment he saw me at the wedding. I think Alec has made his feelings pretty clear. He doesn’t want anything to do with me.” The resentment Magnus still harboured was rearing its ugly head once again and the completely irrational part of his brain thinks Alec is purposely trying to ruin an important moment in his life. Magnus knows better of course, he knows Alec is most likely just attending to visit their best friend but, still the idea of seeing him after so much time has passed doesn’t fill him with a excitement. 

Two years ago Magnus had attended Alec’s brother Jace’s wedding, nearly tripping over his feet when he saw Alec at the church but the other man wouldn’t even meet his eyes. Later at the reception Magnus had found the furthest seat from the head table he could and kept his eyes from Alec the entire time he delivered his best man speech, all while feeling a piercing pain in his gut from hearing Alec’s voice once again. 

Lydia frequently attempted to fill him in on the goings on in Alec’s life but Magnus always shut her down. Alec had made a choice when he closed Magnus off from his life and his behaviour ever since had been nothing shy of dismissive. If anyone was going to bridge the gap between them it was certainly not going to be Magnus.

“He’s just scared Magnus and you know Alec, you holds his feelings close to the chest. Even more so since you two broke up.” Broke up, Magnus wants to laugh at this. They didn’t just break up, they obliterated in one fell swoop. A time which Magnus had replayed in his mind over and over again, thinking of where things went wrong but what could have been done differently. 

“Look, I know you’re still angry but you can’t keep going on like this. It’s been five years Magnus, one of you needs to make an effort.” 

Magnus scoffed, “Well it’s not going to be me. I’m coming to attend the ceremony and not avoid angry glances from my ex boyfriend.” 

He hears Lydia sigh heavily from the other end, she’s likely rubbing her forehead as she always done when irritated. “Magnus, as much as I would love to I can’t tell you what to do and I can’t force you both to talk but please, please try to be civil.” 

“I’ll do my best, for you.” 

“Not just for me Magnus, our families will be there and some old friends probably. I doubt any of them are interested in dealing with your baggage.” 

“Fine, fine. Sorry, it’s just - when it comes to Alec, no matter how much time has passed, I can’t put it away. Believe me I’ve tried. Doesn’t help that he’s shut me out his life entirely.” 

“No, both of you did that when you moved away. That distance was a mutual decision. You can’t just place that on Alec. You left too Magnus.” Lydia sighed again, “Anyway, I didn’t want this to turn into yet another one of those conversations.” 

“No, it’s okay, my fault. I should know better then to get upset like this.” 

“You don’t need to apologize Magnus, your feelings are completely valid. It's just, don’t you think it’s time to move past them?” 

“Yeah. Probably.” Though in his heart he knew that may never happen. “Anyway, enough about this. How are you feeling?” 

Magnus can picture Lydia rolling her eyes in her trademark way, “Way to change the subject Bane. I’m fine, just taking it one day at a time.” 

“I’m still coming on the weekend if you want me to.”

“Absolutely but just so you know Madeline will likely try to monopolize all of your time, so get lots of rest before you come. She’s been talking about your visit pretty much non stop.” 

Madeline had become the surrogate daughter he always wanted and Magnus wasn’t ashamed to admit he often spoiled her much to the chagrin of her parents. But it was important he maintain “Cool Uncle” status. “I will be sure and prepare my knees for all the playground climbing I will need to do.” 

Lydia laughed, the sound always struck Magnus’ heart in a profound way. Her laughter had been a bright spot during many difficult times in his life. He held onto these moments even tighter since she had gotten sick, like everything he shared with her was more precious and important. 

“Well I will let you get back to class. Let me know when you’re on your way Friday.” 

“Of course.” Magnus smiled and completed the call the same way he always did, “I love you kid.” 

Afternoon classes were complete and Magnus had retired to the east campus library, where he frequented to grade papers. Most of the staff choose to do so from their campus offices or at home but Magnus liked to be amongst the students and the library was his favourite place on campus. 

He hears a familiar throat clearing come up from behind him, “If you were planning on coming here you could have at least brought some tea.” 

Magnus rolled his eyes at his old friend and coworker Ragnor Fell, another professor on campus. He taught English studies, fitting since he was of course, very English. “Send me a text next time old man.” Magnus smirked, the moniker drove Ragnor crazy so Magnus used it as much as possible. Annoying his friend gave Magnus great delight. Ragnor set his briefcase down on the empty chair at the table and pulled out a ream of papers. Setting them down with a red pen atop. “I cannot believe you still mark papers with a red pen.” 

“It’s the most striking colour to use, while I appreciate your use of a pencil the notes don’t stand out.” 

“Ah yes but it allows one to remove notes if they make a mistake or want to add something.” 

Ragnor scowled quietly, settling his reading glasses atop his face. “We all have our methods Bane.” They eventually lapse into reading their work, “So tell me about this alumni ceremony. That’s quite an exciting honour.” 

“I’m honestly surprised and a bit embarrassed by the whole thing. I don’t feel quite worthy of the title.” 

“My friend you have earned that place, you’ve worked harder then anyone on this faculty for your position. Wear that with pride.” Compliments are something Ragnor rarely gives but they are always laced with honesty. 

“Thank you Ragnor, I shall.” 

“You are planning on attending of course?” 

“Yes most definitely, I was intending on a making a week of it but uh, circumstances have given me pause.” 

“What circumstances?” Ragnor looked up, eyebrows raised in question. Magnus immediately regrets his words as his friend will likely prod as he normally does. One conversation about Alec is enough for today. “Uh, no reason, just don’t think I can take that much time off.” Magnus said keeping his eyes focused on the paper in front of him and not his friends face. 

Magnus could sense Ragnor was frowning. “You have a month of vacation saved up, what do you mean you don’t have time? And I’m certain Lorenzo would be happy to cover your class for a week. Take the time, you’ve earned it.” 

“I don’t know, I was saving that time up for, well, in case - “ Ragnor sets a hand against Magnus’, looking up with a fond smile. “Lydia, I know dear friend. Say no more. However, this is a time worthy of celebration and I’m certain your old friend would appreciate more than a day or two with you.” 

“Someone else might not though.” Magnus muttered under his breath, before he could stop himself. Ragnor set his pen down, leaning back in his chair and fixing Magnus with a pointed glare. “What aren’t you telling me?” 

“Fine,” Magnus rubbed idly at this temper, “Alec is going to be there, for two weeks.” 

“Oh? You mean Alexander Lightwood the great love of your life whom you’re still painfully pining over after all these years?” Ragnor said, his voice laced with a hint of teasing. 

Magnus scowled at his friend, “I am not pining, I never was.” 

“Right. Of course, my mistake.” Ragnor smirked. “So I assume you’re worried about seeing him?” 

“Yes, of course I am. We haven’t spoken a word to each other in five years.” 

“Well if you do the best option is to handle the situation like a band-aid; one motion, right off.” Ragnor flicked his wrist dramatically. 

“I don’t think it will be that simple.” 

Ragnor removed his reading glasses, setting them down with a sigh, “I’ll be honest with you dear friend, the way I see it is, your friend is sick and right now she needs both of you more then ever. This chasm between yourself and Alec must be crossed, for the sake of time and your shared friendship. If you won’t do this for yourself, at the very least do it Lydia. Time is a precious commodity right now, do not waste it.”

“What if he doesn’t want to talk to me?” Magnus said quietly.

Ragnor scoffed, leaning forward. “Clearly the man made plans to visit during a time when he knows you will also be there. That cannot be a coincidence, perhaps he is attempting to reach out. Don’t waste this opportunity.” Ragnor paused. “Besides, I would rather not listen to you wallowing any longer and I doubt Lydia does either.” 

“I am not wallowing.” 

“Right.” 

They both turn their attention back to their papers, Ragnor making furious pen marks across the top of pages. Magnus watches him, mouth slightly agape. “Are you even reading those?” They laugh for a moment and the worry settled in Magnus’ stomach begins to quietly slip away. 

Magnus returned home later, takeout Chinese food in hand. Winston is nowhere in sight, likely curled up on Magnus’ bed. His apartment is woefully empty as per usual. It’s not that he hasn’t tried to move on but the last few years he had been buried deep in his work. There was never space for anyone else in his life or maybe, the truth was Magnus never wanted to fill the space. At least not with someone new. 

His phone chirped as he’s settled on the sofa, tv remote in hand. It’s Lydia again, he taps the screen to see a photograph of her in a hospital bed a crooked smile on her face. The message attached reads: **Had a little spill about an hour ago, they’re keeping me here for the night. I'm okay, I’ll call you in the morning.** Magnus sets his food down and immediately taps John’s name in his phone list, the line connects after only one ring. “Magnus?” 

“John, I just got Lydia’s message. Is she alright?” Magnus asked, slightly breathless. Lydia was always upfront about any changes with her treatment or the progression of her cancer but sometimes she didn’t share _everything_ for fear of worrying Magnus. 

“Yeah, yeah she just fainted about an hour ago. They took some blood and are running a few tests but she’s probably just tired. You know Lydia, she never knows when to stop.” John’s laughter is lighthearted. The man has been an absolute rock through the entire ordeal. He keeps Magnus updated on Lydia’s condition as often as he can and Magnus has done his best to return the support. “Alright, just ask her to call me in the morning, please?” 

“I will, I promise and Magnus, thanks for calling.” 

“Always. Have a goodnight John and take care of our girl.” 

“You know I will.” 

They say one last goodbye and Magnus sets his phone down, now noticing the tears prickling at the corner of his eyes.


	3. You're the World To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we visit Lydia and take a brief trip down memory lane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *taps microphone* Um, hello? Is anyone still here? 
> 
> HI! I'm SO sorry it has been almost A YEAR since I updated, I have no excuses other than my never-ending work in progress pile always tormenting me. 
> 
> ANYWAY, welcome back and i promise not to go a year between updates. 
> 
> I promise.

**WEDNESDAY**

It was quiet in the shop for a Wednesday morning, barely 10 am. Sunlight streaming in through the large front bay window where Alec was currently setting up a display of horror books for Halloween. Old paperbacks with unique covers and some familiar favourites, along with an array of fake spiderwebs, hanging ghosts and pumpkins. Alec wasn’t much for decorating, but he always made an effort for Halloween and Christmas. 

He was also enjoying a morning conversation with his two favourite girls. Madeline was in the middle of excitedly telling Alec about her upcoming dance recital which he had promised to attend the following weekend. “That sounds awesome bug.” She had just finished relaying nearly every detail of her dance moves, to the point where Alec now knew them by heart. “It’s gonna be so cool!.” Madeline was in a hip hop dance class and they were doing a performance inspired by the Nightmare Before Christmas. She was playing Sally and to say she was excited was a vast understatement. “I can’t wait see you. It sounds like fun.”

“Me too!” She paused before adding in a somewhat melancholy tone. “I wish Uncle Magnus was coming at the same time.” A sentiment Alec was ashamed to admit he did not share. “Well, I’m sure your Mom will take a video to send to him, plus you’re seeing him this weekend, right? You can show him your costume.” 

“Oh yeah!” Alec didn’t relish carrying on a conversation about Magnus but for Madelines' sake he was always civil. She loved them both equally. They had been a presence in her life since the day she was born. “Well, I look forward to seeing my little dancing queen in action.” Madeline giggled on the other end. “Can I talk to your Mom now Mads?” 

“Okay! Bye Uncle Alec, I can’t wait to see you!” 

“Me too bug, bye.” 

The sound of distortion came and then Lydia’s breathing through the phone. Her cancer had given her what Lydia had referred to as “smoker’s lungs”, which caused her breathing to come out in raspy gasps. It was generally worse in the morning. “She has been talking about that dance non-stop and wearing her dance outfit almost everyday. It will probably be worn out before the recital.” Lydia chuckled quietly, Alec heard her intake a sharp breath and then cough loudly. “Ugh, sorry.” Lydia said, clearing her throat away from the phone. 

The sound of the effects of her illness never got easier to hear. “You okay?” 

“I’m fine. I guess I was using my voice a little too much today.” 

Alec quirked an eyebrow, knowing there was more to it then that. “Not overdoing it?”

Lydia scoffed on the other end. “I knew you would bring that up.” Alec could almost hear Lydia rolling her eyes, often his concern tended to drive her crazy but he couldn’t help it. “I was only at the hospital for the evening, took a little spill. I was just tired. I’m fine now.” 

“Okay, as long as you’re sure.” 

“I am, stop worrying so much.” But Alec could never help himself. The feeling had settled into his gut like a weight ever since she had gotten sick. 

“Okay,” Alec agreed, quickly changing the subject as he knew this was losing battle. “So I’m going to come for dinner next Thursday and stay until Sunday morning. There’s a book fair in the afternoon here I want to get to. I hope it’s okay I don’t stay the entire weekend.” 

“That’s totally fine Alec, anytime you want to spend with us is welcome.” She paused and added in a softer voice. “Especially now.” 

“I know.” Alec replied knowingly. “Hey, that reminds me Izzy found a couple of designer scarves you, I’ll bring them out. Don’t let me forget. Although one has a lot of rhinestones. So.. “ Isabelle had many friends in the New York fashion industry, whenever she was offered samples she always came back with a scarf or two for Lydia. She had so many now she could wear a different one everyday. It was a simple gesture but one he knew his best friend appreciated. 

Lydia laughed, “I can make it work, tell her I said thank you.” 

“Of course.” 

The chime on the door rang and Alec looked up to see Simon entering, he waved and put a finger up in a ‘one moment’ gesture. “Okay, well I gotta go. Promise me you will get some rest.” 

“Okay Mom, I promise.” Lydia said, her tone mocking.

“I’ll talk to you later okay?” 

“Okay. I love ya Lightwood.” 

“Me too. Bye Lydia.” 

Alec set the phone down and found Simon perusing a box of old horror books. “Find anything good?” 

Simon had a copy of Visiting Hours in his hands, the cover of which was the dark outline of a hospital with a yellow skeleton emblazoned on the front. Cover art at it’s finest. “You know people don’t appreciate old horror covers enough, they were truly pulpy works of art.” 

“I totally agree.” 

Simon set the book down and sat down on one of the stools behind the front desk. “So what’s happening?” 

“Uh, nothing much. Business as usual. Why?” 

“Well… a little birdy told me about a school event for a certain someone.” Simon said, eyebrow cocked in question. Isabelle. Alec often forgot that she and Simon were also close and they spent far too much time discussing Alec’s love life or lack their off. Of course Simon would bring up Magnus. 

“We really don’t need to talk about that. It’s not even a big deal. I’m just going to make an appearance, and you know a show of support and maybe, uh, we can talk.” 

Simons’ eyebrows shot up in surprise. “I’m sorry, did you say you were going to talk to Magnus? Who are you and what have you done with Alec Lightwood?” 

Alec glared at this friend, “Very funny. I’m serious, it’s time. I mean I don’t know whether he’ll actually want to speak with me but I have to try.” 

Simon peered at him, as if still not believing Alec’s words. Which honestly, Alec didn' ttruly believe them himself. “Why the sudden change of heart?” 

“It’s just, ya know, with Lydia being sick I feel like we’re wasting time.” 

Simon was quiet for a moment. “Yeah I understand. Well, I hope for the best.” 

“Thanks man. So what brings you here this early?”

Simon hops off the stool, glancing around the bookstore with a grin. “Actually, I was wondering if you could help me find a book for a certain future marine biologist.”

“Absolutely, what were you thinking of?” 

“Something with doors that open.” Simon smiled slyly before making his way to the children's section while Alec followed chuckling behind him. 

**FRIDAY**

The train station was mostly deserted at 8 pm on a Friday night, few commuters waiting on benches by the track. Magnus wheeled his small suitcase towards the exit doors where he spotted two familiar faces waiting, Lydia with Madeline dancing in circles around her. Magnus picked up his pace. Madeline spotted him first, “Hi Uncle Magnus!” She nearly squealed. Magnus scooped her up into his arms, spinning her around. “Hello sweetheart, oh my goodness you get bigger every time I see you.” Madeline giggled, as Magnus set her down. “No I don’t.” 

“You didn’t have to come all this way. It’s late.” Magnus said as he pulled his best friend into a crushing embrace. Lydia spoke against he’s shoulder, “Well you can thank this one being impatient and besides John is working late. Don’t worry the drive wasn’t a long one.” 

Magnus pulled back, fixing her with a mock glare, “Well I insist on taking the wheel on the way home.” He takes a moment to observe his friends appearance. Since her illness Lydia had lost a fair amount of weight, her hair was gone, always covered in a colourful scarf and Magnus noticed on his visits that the skin on her hands was rougher and usually cold. 

Lydia rolled her eyes with a smile, “Fine.” Magnus offered Madeline a hand, “Lead the way little lady.” 

It was after ten pm, Magnus and Lydia were out on the backyard deck enjoying the sounds of the Larchmont night. Crickets chittering away from afar and the trees rustling in the breeze, coupled with the sound of the lake waves in the distance. Magnus had always loved the nights in his hometown. He missed it with an ache in his soul. They were both nursing a glass of wine, Lydia wasn’t able to drink much so her’s had barely been drained.

Magnus turned to his friend, observing how she likely unconsciously rubbed at the spot where her infusion was usually placed and the sound of her laboured breathing. “So, tell me how are you feeling?” 

“Honestly, it’s getting harder. Not so much the physical part of it, I’m getting used to that. Waking up coughing and being short of breath. Being poked and prodded at the hospital doesn’t even bother me much anymore.” Magnus reached over, setting a hand on her arm. “What is it then?” 

Lydia continued, not meeting Magnus’ eyes as she spoke. “It’s just, I feel like a burden sometimes. To John and Madeline, my family and you and Alec.” She put up a hand, as if expecting Magnus to protest and he had been planning to. “I know — I know I’m not, but so many people have essentially put their lives on hold to help me and it’s just — “ Lydia coughed into her elbow, leaning slightly forward in the chair, Magnus instinctively leaned closer to, rubbing a hand down her back. She sat back in the chair after a moment, rubbing a hand down the scarf on her head. Magnus could see the attack made her eyes water. “You okay?” 

“I’m fine, it’s just, - “ She stopped, taking several shallow breaths. Magnus got up from the chair beside her to lean down at her feet, taking her hands in his. “Maybe you should get some rest.” 

“Okay, yeah, you’re probably right. I’m not usually up so late.” Lydia smiled weakly, and Magnus gently squeezed both of her hands. “We’ll have all day tomorrow to spend however you want so I will need you well rested.” He grinned, trying to lighten the mood. Lydia nodded silently and Magnus stood carefully, offering her a hand before leading them back inside. 

The next morning Magnus is awoken by a small body pressed up against him, “Uncle Magnus!” Madeline whispers from where she’s perched on the bed next to him. Magnus groans, rubbing at his eyes, “Hello sweetpea, little early don’t you think?” 

“I wanted to make breakfast for Mommy and Daddy,” Madeline places a finger against her lips and Magnus mimes a zipper across his own. “Shh, they’re still sleeping. Will you help me?” 

“Of course sweetheart, go downstairs and get what we’ll you need. I’ll meet you there in a couple of minutes.” 

“Okay,” She whispers for climbing off the bed and tiptoeing out the door. Magnus smiled after her, pulling himself gently from the bed with a groan. The guestroom in Lydia and Johns home was still decorated like a relic from their childhood. Photographs lined the walls, and the fake fireplace mantle was lined with various sculptures from Lydia’s art days. 

Magnus walked over picking up a pink elephant made of clay, he remembered this one distinctly. The first piece Lydia had made in art class in the 5th grade. She had dropped it in a rush while putting it in her backpack and the trunk had broken off. The tears which followed were of both frustration and disappointment. But Alec quickly saved the day, retrieving the broken pieces and suggesting they bring them back to his house, his mom would know how to fix it. Lydia had sniffed her tears away and hugged Alec fiercely, Alec as per usual had turned a bright shade of red at his friends affections. 

Magnus shuddered at the memory, being here in this room, this town it always brought so many memories back. Ones he had been desperately trying to escape for years. 

Magnus never asked Lydia how Alec was doing, he didn’t want to know and the pieces she offered — without him asking — he usually ignored. Keeping Alec in the back corner of his mind was what he needed to do. It was better this way. Five years had dulled the pain but hadn’t truly taken it away. 

Alexander Lightwood had been a presence in Magnus’ life since he was 7 years old, when he arrived in Larchmont with his Mother shortly after his Father had passed away. Magnus was alone and scared in a new place, where he had no one. That was until the first day of school when a young girl named Lydia offered to let him sit with her and her friend Alec. From the moment Magnus saw that dark haired boy he was done for. 

They went through every important phase of their lives together, Alec was Magnus’ lifeline through the storms he endured and Magnus had done his best to do the same. Magnus had been their when Alec was first coming to grips with his sexuality, ever supportive and always, always somehow selfishly hoping Alec would turn his attention towards him but it never happened. But not for lack of trying on Magnus’ part. 

Their relationship had been a long time building, dancing around their feelings and ignoring the obvious hints they gave each other. Magnus had even asked Alec to prom in dramatic, romantic fashion and he had hoped, prayed that would lead to more but nothing came. So they left high school, moved on to college and drifted into relationships. None of which ever amounted to much but they were both too afraid to admit why. 

Until finally on Alec’s 25th birthday when everything finally came together. Alec had never been one for parties, but 25 was something which had to be remembered properly. Magnus had carefully crafted a scrapbook of photos of their friendship and Alec’s 25 years of life with help from Maryse. 

They had been sitting out on the dock behind Lydia’s house when Magnus had presented it to him. Alone, save for the trees silently watching them. 

_“I can’t believe you did this.” Alec whispered breathlessly, flipping through the pages of memories. Magnus held his breath, trying to calm the flutter in his heart. “It’s nothing. Just thought 25 deserved something special.” Alec had looked up with his bright hazel eyes, “This is amazing, you’re amazing.” With those words, Alec had reached up tentatively cupping Magnus’ face in his hands. Magnus could feel the other man's hand was trembling. He grasped it carefully with his own. Alec closed his eyes briefly, breathing in before opening them again and speaking quietly but sure. _

_“I love you Magnus Bane, I always have and I know it’s weird to say now after all these years but I just, you need to know and if you don’t feel the same - “_

_Magnus interrupted him with a finger to Alec’s lips before pressing closer and gently placing a soft chaste kiss against his lips. Magnus’ heart was hammering in his chest as Alec leaned closer, deepening the kiss until they were gasping and quietly moaning against each other. Magnus pulled back, panting, leaning his forehead against Alec’s own. “I love you too.”_

What had followed were three years of making up for lost time, the relationship they should have started years before. It had been a glorious time until the wheels dramatically fell off. 

Magnus took his position at Stamford while Alec was still struggling through his second year of business school at NYU and not finding the satisfaction he had been hoping for. The driving distance between them was not long, but weekend visits soon became a hassle as Magnus always had school work and social events to attend and Alec was bogged down with essays. Cancelled plans, missed phone calls and messages became frequent. 

Then the fight happened. Magnus had made plans for a dinner date in Stamford one evening, their anniversary and Alec had cancelled not ten minutes prior to their meeting, saying he was going out with some friends. That had been the final nail in the coffin. Alec blowing off and clearly forgetting an important date.   
Magnus had shown up at Alec’s door the following morning, seething with anger. Alec had been hungover and barely had a chance to open the door before Magnus’ words spilled out. 

Everything which had been sitting between them finally erupted. Alec callously accused Magnus of caring more about his job then their relationship, which had driven Magnus to the absolute edge. He had worked hard to get where he was and it wasn’t his fault Alec hadn’t found a career to call his own yet. He couldn’t pretend they were in highschool anymore. It was a childish response but enough to make Alec pull away entirely. 

_“Maybe we should take a break.” _

_“Maybe we should.”_

With those words Alec closed the door, and it was never opened again. Their relationship had not only been irrevocably broken but their friendship as well. 

Calls and messages went unanswered afterwards. Now, it was as if they barely knew each other. Magnus would be lying to himself if he said he hadn’t thought about reaching out. A phone call or a message but at the same time it shouldn't have to be him who made the first move, Alec was the one who left. The one who walked away. 

Magnus set the sculpture down with a long sigh and made for the door to help his little cook.


End file.
